i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
