I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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