I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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