I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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