Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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