I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
