You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
