I think I won the penis lottery.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
