Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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