they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
