Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
