and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
