He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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