i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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