I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We named our party play list daddy issues
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The Olympian is in my bed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
