I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
