i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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