im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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