I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
