the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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