My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
