i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
being pregnant is like rehab
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize