So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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