I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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