woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize