Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
