And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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