I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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