i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
