yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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