So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
