Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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