I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
