I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
