Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
