I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
