she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
