she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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