Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
