you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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