we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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