Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All the doctor said was why
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
