I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
