u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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