Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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