dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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