i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
