$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize