she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
