well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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