He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have post one night stand depression
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
