Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
