I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
