So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
