i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
