So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
