Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
