Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm passing your future prison.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
