You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Me too!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
