Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
