I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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