We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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