Do vagina's smell?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
