I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Farmville is her only friend.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i out mim tonsoeep
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