maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
