I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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