so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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