Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
