Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
