Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
