idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
