...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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