My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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