would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
