i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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