Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
