i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The ass gains better be worth it
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