he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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