I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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