you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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