According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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