i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
