i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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