I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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