I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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