Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
